Trying Our Best in Life

As I start another year I ponder the things of
the past as a barometer of how to measure the
future.

So long ago my parents were sent home from
the hospital with me, their first born to do what
they could before I died. The hospital could do
no more to keep me alive. I was not gaining
weight and not receiving the nourishment to
keep me living. Well, my Mom and her great faith
had a talk with God and I am still here. Mom fed
me with an eye dropper and was awake for days
without sleep keeping watch over me.

In response to a question of should I have tried
harder back then? I believe we all try as best as
we can at the time. There are so many parts of
our life we share. Our resonsibilities to our small
children who look to us for guidance, our work
that saps most of our energy, demanding spouses
or significant others, etc. I do not think anyone
could have or should have made different choices
at various times in their lives. We are just evolving
as our unique selves in our 20's and 30's. By the
timew we reach 40 we get to see what damage or
meaningful work we created.

So many years ago I was separated from my soulmate
by choice. Because I was allowed to give to others in
this life and did not die after going home that spring
with my parents I make choices for those I love -
sometimes forgetting what my heart wants. A little
boy who loved his father kept me in check. It was not
my place to part them. The child would grow to know
his father's faults and goodness also. I wanted him to
stay in his community with the friends he was starting
to build relationships with -some that last today.

Working in my community kept me planted and
unable to leave. My choice -possibly not wise for my
heart has brought me to this time in my life.
Going forward I hope to cherish my close relationships
and to open the world of loving relationships to my
grandson. I hope those who know my heart will stay
on the journey with me.