All Hallow's Eve

As the month comes to a close I will
attempt to get in one last entry for the
month.

Seeing grandson in his 'all black'
Batman costume with the long black
cape was such a highlight tonite.
Not sure at 3 yrs old what to do since
our house was his first stop -he throws
his plastic empty pumpkin on the couch,
takes off his mask and asks granpa where
the ice cream sandwiches are (they love to
share ice cream treats together). I proceed
to show him the array of bowls and candy
I have near the front door. He grabs his
pumpkin and loads up!

I see the next years coming and going quite
quickly and grandson will surely know how
to entertain himself on Halloween.

Myself -I treated myself to The Rocky Horror
Picture Show last night. Well over 20 years
since I went on a regular basis on Sat nite
at midnight. Had all my stuff -toast, toilet
paper, deck of cards, flashlights, newspaper.
Now the movie prompts the audience when to
throw their stuff. Just had to know back in the
old days. It was great fun!

So wishing everyone a scary, fun Halloween.

It's My Job

I recently heard about a conversation a
man had with some friends. He was asked
how he & his wife handled their finances.
He explained they worked and had separate
bank accounts. He explained he handled the
household bills-his & hers. When asked why
he did this he replied, 'Because it's my job to
take care of my wife.'
Sometimes people just know what their job is
and they accept it and work at it.

"And When I Die' Part II

One of my earliest posts is 'And when I die'
referring to the Blood, Sweat & Tears song of
the late '60's.
Now that my son is involved with the death of
his paternal grandmother I can not express how
meaningful this song continues to be.

I can only wish that I am not leaving many
unanswered questions for my son. We have
pretty much tackeled the world together
while he pursued and continues to pursue
his work in the music industry.

It is difficult to be estranged from family
members while piecing together the past
and placing everyone in their little place
in your history.

In my mind some stories don't get told
because they are not relevant. Then there
are the unanswered questions that will
plague generations to come. I find that
tragic and a sad legacy of 'what if's' that
a parent leaves for those that are living.

My walk with my parents had it's turbulent
times. We forgave and moved on at the end
and enjoyed our final days together. Eldercare
is very difficult when you are 1200 miles apart.
Any mystery questions are no longer relevant
and I am at peace. I wish the same for my son.
He may get it with me but maybe not with his
father's family.

'All My Exes Are From Texas'

That is not the truth at all but I was
digging up all that geneology fact &
fiction for my son from my ex-husband's
family today. I guess I am the keeper
of most of the pieces of the past.

My ex-mother-in-law died this morning
and my son has lost touch with most of
his Grandmother's family so they tracked
me down to relay the news.

I found an interesting quote today that
may be true sometimes when most of
us write. "If you can't annoy somebody
there's little point in writing." -British Comic
Novelist Kingsley Amis. Yeah when you
write about the ex family you are bound
to piss somebody off.

The title of this blog entry came to me
because my son's Dad's family seems to
be all over the USA and may possibly have
some relatives in Texas -who knows?

I am really out of the loop here since the
last time I saw these people was at my
ex-husband's funeral 13 years ago. I
think my son had them all on high alert.
They mess with his Mom -they mess with
him. Oh yeah we didn't have much of a
heartwarming relationship.

Now the immediate family saga somewhat
ends for me. For my son maybe new doors
will open. He should get to know his adult
cousins. They were children when I went
through my drama with this family. They
should all start new beginnings where they
can create good relationships as friends.

I grew up with an extended Italian family
on my Dad's side where we were 1st, 2nd
& 3rd cousins deep. We knew each other's
birthdays and celebrated holidays & Holy
Days together (You would not want us in
church by you on Christmas or Easter!)
On Mom's side it was the German, English
& Dutch -those regular meat & potatoes
kind of dinners and we all followed that
side to the sun & sand of Ft Lauderdale &
Miami living in the late '50's. My Mom & Dad
followed in '72 when I was a new Mom.
Thus I got to be part of the ex-family drama
for lots of years. As young parents you want
your child to be part of their grandparents
lives. Then sometimes you get to a point
where the relationship is strained & you
back off.

I think there is a sorrow you share with those
who grieve. I don't think my son grieves as
much for himself as he does for his relatives
and cousins who were closer to his Grandmother
than he was. He is very compassionate and I
know he will attend the services.

If I learned anything from my ex-mother-in-law
I guess I learned to survive in spite of the men
in my life. She was married 3 times and divorced
all of them. I met them all and I liked them all.
I'm still not sure why these men loved her so
much and she fell out of love with each of them.

I met her 40 years ago and she told me she was
dying because she had diabetes. She sure as hell
fought the good fight with the disease.

Your Straight Edge vs. Mine

Last night I attended a movie screening of 'Edge'.
This is a new documentary about the 'straight edge'
movement that evolved from the punk music scene
in the late '70's and early '80's.

I wasn't well versed on the ideals of a vegan, drug
free, alcohol free , etc movement of this era because
I was to emersed in being a working Mom and trying
to understand who I was married to and why he
wasn't co-operating in the marriage. (Took many
years, separation & divorce to find out he was
bi-polar and self medicating in all the wrong ways)

Throughout this movie I kept thinking that in the
'70's and '80's I was using a 'straight edge' everyday.
I was a drafter for a public utility company and
drew maps of city streets and suburban neighborhoods.
I used various straight edges &  templates to layout
the utility lines to homes and businesses. This was
all done on paper or mylar and created work documents
or permanent mapping layouts. No computers -all done
by hand. That was my 'straight edge'.

Now, beyond that I came from the radical '60's where I
guess my generation started the 'drug culture'. For the
most part I survived without much drug choice besides
beer or wine. I did have that 'self medicating' person
around and might have gone too far every so often as
a 'drinking buddy'. So my generation had to be stopped
in some respects and maybe some of the 'straight edge'
movement addressed that earlier 'freedom' mentality.

I enjoyed the screening and learned a little but knew I
was where I was meant to be and I wasn't joining their
cause. I've already fought the hard fight and cleaned
up the best I could.

When I got home I grabbed my new bottle of Bully Hill
semi-sweet wine I had left in the trunk of my car from
an earlier purchase in the day and proceeded inside
my house.

Wondering Where the Romance Went

There are days after days when I ask 'Where did the
romance go?' I feel it in my heart. I seek it in my mind.
I recall the memories of romantic times. Is it too much
to ask of men today? Women like myself seem to think
we must just demand too much.

I know it's possible because I lived with the knowledge
that there was a man who knew my heart. He didn't care
what other people thought. If he wanted to show love or
tenderness he just did it.

Thinking a written piece of paper with witness signatures
will turn vows into actual promises to remain loving and
gentle does not always work. It's just too much effort!

Then again there are promises made when saying good bye
that come from the heart. Only the two exchanging the
words are witness to what their hearts believe. Lifelong
vows to care about the other person are not spoken to
a crowd. There are no extravagant celebrations or festivities.  
All that remains are the times devoted to keeping in touch
and knowing that the bond is always there.

As the famous country song laments, 'Looking for love in
all the wrong places' even plays out in many marriages.
Isn't that where you expect to find romance? Not always.

So I applaud those who try to work at the romance in their
lives. It keeps your days from being drudgery. It shows your
children that happiness is attainable. It keeps the travel
industry working hard for you! You help the rest of us
remember and always believing in romance as we once
knew it.

Are We Committed to Change?

Are we committed to change?
Whether it be for health issues
or relationships or careers?
Are we willing to explore what
the possibilities will be if we
move out of our comfort zone?

Since I have announced my
committment to retire from the
corporate world in 5 years I have
set the wheels in motion to change.
I need to use each day wisely to
move toward this goal.

I have decided to work toward the
'work' of being retired from my
current work and it's challenges
to a series of tasks I can not devote
my time and energy to now.

Will  my ideas of volunteer work and
part time endeavors change in 5 years?
Maybe they will. As quickly as our
society changes and new technology
updates our daily tasks so too may
my choices change in the next 5 years.

All I know is that I want to keep learning
and be mindful of the digital world around
me so I can work within the framework of
my community to make lasting contributions.

Exercise is Medicine

When we think of healthcare do we equate the term
with exercise and good nutrition?  Or do we think
of how will I pay for all my meds?

Here is a great website where I think health starts.
Let's think preventative care rather than healthcare.
Get out there and walk everyday. Let children play
outside. Say no to fast food diets.

I think 'Exercise is Medicine' says it all.
What a great resourse and we need to visit often!

http://exerciseismedicine.org/

Indie Band Survival Tactics

I recently read 'The Indie Band Survival Guide'
Great read for up & coming musicians.
This book explains the old way the music industry
conducted business. Then they slap you with the
truth and the methodology to make music your
career work in today's digital age.

The way to follow your passion whether it be artistic
or corporate style is to use the tools of those who
came before you.

Not convinced that these authors know what they
are talking about? They have lived the life.

Their website  http://www.indieguide.com/
provides constant updates and info on music
careers. You can do it yourself and don't have
to dream about that big 'record deal' anymore.

Food, Inc

Anyone who has 1905's Upton Sinclair book, 'The Jungle'
or Rachel Carson's 1962 classic, 'Silent Spring' imbetted
in their memory will relate to this independent movie
being shown around the country.

Knowing that US farming for the most part has become
a manufacturing industry needs to be viewed by the
masses. The reason our country is so unhealthy relates
directly to what we don't know about major food production
in our country.

Living in Upstate New York does not always seem a blessing
because all anyone thinks about is all the snow we receive.
We do have about 8 more months in the year when we don't
have snow. We also have many local farmers and organic
farmers in the region. We have many farmer's markets.
Some seasonally from June to October and others year
round.

Food, Inc portrayed the three meat producing industries
that I have stayed away from since 1993 -beef, pork &
chicken. Worse now than I thought back then when I moved
to a mainly vegetarian lifestyle. I still think I need to address
some of my dairy issues because most cows are not grass fed.
This month even O magazine addresses genetic modification
of food in the US and the bans on such artificial processing
of food in Europe. Grit magazine this month devotes an article
on beef that is grass fed.

Another issue in Food, Inc is genetic modification of corn and
soybean seeds by Monsanto ( a chemical company not a farming
company!). This summer I took 'corn' unless locally grown off
my shopping list also -that was because of pesticides -now I have
other resons.

More info relating to the issues found in Food, Inc can be found
on the Take Part blog -  http://www.takepart.com/blog/tag/hungry-for-change/


Take time to know what you purchase and why some food is so cheap.
Spend a few dollars more and stay healthier. Can you say no to 'High
Fructose Corn Syrup'? It's in all your favorites and it's banned in Europe
food production.

Ladies-Shop at Dots!

This weekend I printed out my online coupon
and headed to my local Dots store.
Ladies if this urban gem is in your area you
are doing yourself a disservice by not shopping
there. They have the trendiest styles at a fraction
of department store prices. There is constant
changes in stock and clearance racks galore.
The best thing  about the store is the
wonderful staff -always with a smile and
willingness to assist you. In retail this is rare
in today's economy.
The staff is constantly updating the fashion display
looks and pairing all the great items in the store.
The fashion sense may come from corporate
but they walk off the pages of most fashion
magazines.
Even on the days I spend less than $20 I feel
like I've taken myself on a shopping extravaganza.
Dots I salute you and your fine retail staff!

Have We Lost A Generation?

In last week's issue of Business Week magazine
I was captivated by the article, 'Lost Generation'.

http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/09_42/b4151032038302.htm

During difficult economic times we are releasing college
graduates to a society with less job prospects than the
generation before them. These young people are
straddled with student loan debt and no means to
pay it off plus take care of themselves.

Then we compound that with only temporary jobs and
no health care and these young men and women now
fall into the healthcare issue in this country.

How do we keep our nation on the top of world countries
when we can't let our young and brightest realize their
dreams and passions?

Are schools assisting students who should join the service sector?
Great jobs in auto mechanics, cosmetology,nursing etc. are
vital to a functioning economy. These careers can jumpstart
a terrific working life if presented in the proper light. Maybe
those who went to college and have no possibility of finding
a job would have ventured into the service sector with better
results and less debt.

Shared Memories Erase Missed Moments

Check with other women and you will be
amazed how many never had those special
moments -a prom -a wedding dance-a
honeymoon -a romantic vacation. Life just
moves on with the day to day routines.

In your heart you know how nice those moments
would have been but you have children now and
a busy job-maybe some volunteer work and life
seems to take it's course.

One day during a seemingly normal activity you
notice someone takes a little extra time out of
their day for you. You didn't ask for his help and
there he stands next to you offering to assist you.

I cherish those simple moments when a man came
into my life to offer a subsitute prom, a wedding dance,
a romantic dinner, a vacation of shared times that he
never knew I was denied in earlier years. He just knew
how to follow his heart and how to show kindness.
I learned to share those lessons with my son so he
could be the tender hearted and strong willed man
that he is.

So, ladies if some of life's moments passed you by and
it appears you only discover them in a novel here or
there -you can make a difference. Teach your sons,
your nephews, your children's friends the kindness
and gentleness that girls and women deserve. Maybe
we can make this world a little better.

There isn't a day that passes that I don't feel joy from
those past memories where someone cared about me.
I learned to care more deeply during those times also.
Oh -maybe I helped make a special moment a lingering
memory for someone else!

Breast Cancer Month

Many women in my life have survived
Breast Cancer. Many women who are
no longer alive that were survivors in
my family died from other causes.
Today I share my daily gym workouts
with my gym partner of the last 6 years
who has now completed her first year
as a survivor. She is a constant inspiration.
She has lost all the weight that chemo &
drug therapy packs on. She has found a
healthier choice of eating and living.
She inspires all those around her.
Keep in mind that as women we must
approach our health issues with yearly
screenings and testings to detect diseases
such as Breast Cancer in it's early stages.

Men & Women-Friends and Conversation

As time races by I tend to realize that many
friendships between men and women thrive
on conversations of day to day accomplishments.

Many mundane daily tasks and family activities
are the basic building blocks of our lives. By sharing
these little things we do with each other we tend to
understand how alike we all are.

I constantly read or hear in the media that men &
women can not be friends. I find that totally false.
I have been friends with men my entire adult life.
Some friendships have endured longer than others.
Several just became victims of life style changes or
moves or sometimes relationships got in the way.

Even though I have been married twice I still have
been friends with men who enjoy a lengthy phone
conversation from time to time. I feel it is good for
the soul and nurishes the heart to share female
thoughts with the male species. I think men like to
chat with someone other than their spouse or
girlfriend to keep a fresh outlook.

As women we dish with each other about the office,
politics and relationships, etc., etc. but those male
friends can make us laugh and see ourselves in a
different light. It can keep us out of costly therapy too!