Trying Our Best in Life

As I start another year I ponder the things of
the past as a barometer of how to measure the
future.

So long ago my parents were sent home from
the hospital with me, their first born to do what
they could before I died. The hospital could do
no more to keep me alive. I was not gaining
weight and not receiving the nourishment to
keep me living. Well, my Mom and her great faith
had a talk with God and I am still here. Mom fed
me with an eye dropper and was awake for days
without sleep keeping watch over me.

In response to a question of should I have tried
harder back then? I believe we all try as best as
we can at the time. There are so many parts of
our life we share. Our resonsibilities to our small
children who look to us for guidance, our work
that saps most of our energy, demanding spouses
or significant others, etc. I do not think anyone
could have or should have made different choices
at various times in their lives. We are just evolving
as our unique selves in our 20's and 30's. By the
timew we reach 40 we get to see what damage or
meaningful work we created.

So many years ago I was separated from my soulmate
by choice. Because I was allowed to give to others in
this life and did not die after going home that spring
with my parents I make choices for those I love -
sometimes forgetting what my heart wants. A little
boy who loved his father kept me in check. It was not
my place to part them. The child would grow to know
his father's faults and goodness also. I wanted him to
stay in his community with the friends he was starting
to build relationships with -some that last today.

Working in my community kept me planted and
unable to leave. My choice -possibly not wise for my
heart has brought me to this time in my life.
Going forward I hope to cherish my close relationships
and to open the world of loving relationships to my
grandson. I hope those who know my heart will stay
on the journey with me.

Understanding Separation

There seems to be times when we remember
sharing dreams and moments with others who
loved the same things.  As we grow wiser and
tend to miss being with certain persons we need
to realize our purpose in life may have unknowingly
separated us from those meaningful people in our
life.

I sometimes selfishly play the 'If only' game and wonder
if things would have played out differently depending
on choices I have made. Then again, did other
people in my life have the same opportunity to make
choices that might have kept us in each other's life?
Maybe to a lesser degree we are still in the hearts,
prayers and minds of those we have touched in our
life.

As I approach another milestone birthday I see the good
things I have done and have only been able to accomplish
because I was truly loved many years ago by that soulmate
companion who briefly shared time with me. Now separated
by miles we have renewed our committment to each other
by written word and occasional phone calls. We rely on the
judgement calls of each other and respect the unique lives
we have carved out for ourselves.

No longer should we play the 'If only' game because we have
given our similar gifts to those who need them around us. We
were meant to be apart so that we could create precious family
moments and leave a certain legacy behind.

I am forever grateful to know I learned valuable ways to love
and be loved so many years ago. Don Henley said it well in
the song, "Wasted Time' -'so you go on with your life, baby
and I'll go on with mine and we'll know it wasn't all wasted
time.'