As I start another year I ponder the things of
the past as a barometer of how to measure the
future.
So long ago my parents were sent home from
the hospital with me, their first born to do what
they could before I died. The hospital could do
no more to keep me alive. I was not gaining
weight and not receiving the nourishment to
keep me living. Well, my Mom and her great faith
had a talk with God and I am still here. Mom fed
me with an eye dropper and was awake for days
without sleep keeping watch over me.
In response to a question of should I have tried
harder back then? I believe we all try as best as
we can at the time. There are so many parts of
our life we share. Our resonsibilities to our small
children who look to us for guidance, our work
that saps most of our energy, demanding spouses
or significant others, etc. I do not think anyone
could have or should have made different choices
at various times in their lives. We are just evolving
as our unique selves in our 20's and 30's. By the
timew we reach 40 we get to see what damage or
meaningful work we created.
So many years ago I was separated from my soulmate
by choice. Because I was allowed to give to others in
this life and did not die after going home that spring
with my parents I make choices for those I love -
sometimes forgetting what my heart wants. A little
boy who loved his father kept me in check. It was not
my place to part them. The child would grow to know
his father's faults and goodness also. I wanted him to
stay in his community with the friends he was starting
to build relationships with -some that last today.
Working in my community kept me planted and
unable to leave. My choice -possibly not wise for my
heart has brought me to this time in my life.
Going forward I hope to cherish my close relationships
and to open the world of loving relationships to my
grandson. I hope those who know my heart will stay
on the journey with me.
There seems to be times when we remember
sharing dreams and moments with others who
loved the same things. As we grow wiser and
tend to miss being with certain persons we need
to realize our purpose in life may have unknowingly
separated us from those meaningful people in our
life.
I sometimes selfishly play the 'If only' game and wonder
if things would have played out differently depending
on choices I have made. Then again, did other
people in my life have the same opportunity to make
choices that might have kept us in each other's life?
Maybe to a lesser degree we are still in the hearts,
prayers and minds of those we have touched in our
life.
As I approach another milestone birthday I see the good
things I have done and have only been able to accomplish
because I was truly loved many years ago by that soulmate
companion who briefly shared time with me. Now separated
by miles we have renewed our committment to each other
by written word and occasional phone calls. We rely on the
judgement calls of each other and respect the unique lives
we have carved out for ourselves.
No longer should we play the 'If only' game because we have
given our similar gifts to those who need them around us. We
were meant to be apart so that we could create precious family
moments and leave a certain legacy behind.
I am forever grateful to know I learned valuable ways to love
and be loved so many years ago. Don Henley said it well in
the song, "Wasted Time' -'so you go on with your life, baby
and I'll go on with mine and we'll know it wasn't all wasted
time.'
In 97 days I will be on my next cruise.
Even with the recent tragedy in Italy
I seek vacation on a cruise ship.
I cruise once a year now and am hoping
to increase that to twice a year as I ease
toward retirement In retirement I hope
to change that number to 4 or 6 times
a year -being able to jump on those
last minute discount deals.
I have been cruising on and off for the
past 30 years and have seen the dramatic
changes in the industry. I see the terrific
value in a cruise vacation also. I paid more
to take my son on a cruise in 1988 than I did
in 2011 when I took my son, his wife and my
grandson to the Caribbean.
This year the excitement while traveling with
a couple of my cousins is having a Spa Cabin
on the Carnival Dream. Access to therapy pools,
saunas, and the works is thrilling. I'll grab a couple
Spa treatment deals also. The Oxygen Facial my
daughter-in-law and I had last year was amazing.
Next year in addition to crusing with adults I will
undertake the 'family style' crusing with my grandson.
We were going to take a New England and Canada
cruise before school started but he changed that.
He told me Nickelodeon has a cruise with all the
characters -so that's our 2013 choice. That cruise
will lead us to our 2014 choice of the new Disney
Fantasy Cruise.
It's fun to plan and it's fun to enjoy each magical
voyage. I'm sure I will have much to blog about
after Memorial Day.
Such an absurd question, 'Did you
ever love a Boy Scout' ?
Maybe after many, many, many years
I learned that I fell for a Boy Scout and
didn't know it at the time.
The tendencies for a Boy Scout to be
honest, loyal, trustworthy, etc., etc. don't
really enter your mind. You may just wonder
why he is so genuine with you.
You may not realize that he has conditioned
his actions to reveal his true character. Oh, my
dear woman you should be so flattered. Sad
to say his feelings for you may be true but
he treats many others in his life the same way.
You will be proud to walk by his side and share
meaningful conversation. You may never know
where he got his strong convictions or willingness
to help others but you'll never forget you fell in
love with a Boy Scout.
Feeling the need to spend time on my blog gives me the opportunity
to remember those dearest to my heart at the time of the year when
the retail market hopes we lay down a lot of cash.
To me the time to tell others we love them is not just one time a year.
It's nice to let them know that we care throughout the year.
Lately I learn lessons of love from my grandson. Sure he asks for
everything when we are at the mall or on any shopping adventure.
After a few hundred 'no's' we get down to brass tacks. He just
usually wants to cuddle on the couch and chat. He truly appreciates
everyone in his life who loves him. He shows that he is genuinely
happy to see you when you enter a room to see him.
Maybe Valentine's Day is better observed through a young child's
eyes.
While the sadness of Amy's death surrounds me I cannot
believe my first thoughts of the loss of great musical talent
at age 27. I recap in my mind -Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix,
Jim Morrison (but do not remember Kurt Cobain only because
he was not from my generation-love his work but did not know
the age he died).
I do not see an enormous body of work left behind by Amy.
What I know of her work is that I loved it all. I remember
the gals in my office sequestered in cubicles singing new words
to 'Rehab' as a testimony to work tasks we did not want to accept.
Try it you may have fun, 'They tried to make me............I just said
'No, No, No' -it just may make your day go better.
When Janis, Jimi,Jim & Kurt exited this life the immediate news
by internet was not part of their world. If technology did not give
us such an immediate access into celebrity lives we may have had
Amy amongst us a little while longer.
I for one want to scoop up the remains of her work plus her duet
with Tony Bennett to just know I can leave a little something
for her family she leaves behind.
Amy, I for one will tell anyone who wants me in rehab, 'No, No, No,'
May you now rest in peace and have fun in Rock and Roll Heaven &
no longer be judged for who you are.
As I reach another mile marker in the age
category I have attained part of my 'real
age' goal to make 60 the new 50.
Last summer I started out with the Real
Age test and was right around my regular
chronological age.
My 'Real Age Test' is now 55 and I plan to
hit 50 or lower during this year.
Physically, emotionally and mentally I am
feeling my best age ever. Mainly knowing
that I have made some good and bad decisions
over the years and lived through them with
the grace of God is no small feat.
I can look back on the lives of my son, daughter-in-law
and grandson and see the happiness in my life.
I can share past and present happenings with
a dear friend and know that our experiences
keep our friendship alive and well.
Is 60 the new 50? I plan to make it true.
